I haven't updated my blog in awhile because I have been too busy living. However, now my WBC is severely low (.8), and I am quarantined at home. I have plenty of time to write now. LOL
I have had some highs and lows since my surgery. First the lows... I tested positive for the BRCA 2 gene which means that I will have to have additional surgeries. I now know that I am at risk for developing breast cancer again and ovarian cancer. It's a no-brainer to get my other breast and ovaries removed. My life is more important! Besides, I actually like my fake breast better than my real breast now. Also, I had my eggs frozen; therefore, I no longer need my ovaries.
Another low... My dear friend, Wayne Jackson was murdered in September. Wayne lived life to the fullest. He was the funniest person that I knew. I always knew that I would have a good time when I worked with him. He was concerned about me when I was diagnosed. He helped me get through a horrible relationship with his sense of humor. He used to say, "You need to live your life to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow will bring." He actually included a curse word, but I won't put it here. :) Wayne's funeral was entertaining, just like he would have wanted. The minister mentioned that he took shots of Jose Cuervo in Wayne's honor. Rest in peace, my friend.
Yet, another low... I lost my group health insurance coverage. This is a headache that I didn't expect. With my pre-existing condition, my new premium will be $1200 a month. Who the heck can afford to pay that long term?! I guess that I should be happy that I wasn't denied coverage, but I am now looking for a new job. I can't wait until Obama's bill goes into effect.
Another low... My hair did fall out. I was told that there was a possibilty that I would keep my hair because I wasn't on a drug called Adriamycin. I prayed, tried to make deals with God, and prayed some more, but I lost all of my hair. The day that I realized that I was losing my hair, I had a mental breakdown. I vowed that I would stay in my house until my hair grew back. I told Mr. Wonderful that I never wanted him to see me again. I cried all day long. Like I said before, this was the worst part of chemo. I can deal with the gas and black fingernails, but the hair... My cousin, Millicent and aunt, Marcie had dinner with me that night and tried to convince me that I was acting crazy. Mr. Wonderful asked why I was acting crazy when I knew that this was a possibiltiy and offered to go to a labyrinth with me to pray and meditate. I didn't want to hear anything anyone had to say. A couple of days later, when Mr. Wonderful saw me in my wig, he told me that he liked that look on me. What a relief! Later that day, he told me, "I will walk through the fire with you, but if you stop, we both aren't going to get burned." Mercy, he's good. It also helped tremendously that my cousin/sister, Kelly came to visit me that weekend. I tried to hold on to the last strand of hair, but I knew that I had to let it go when it started coming out from the roots. I called my study partner, Maurice to shave my head. Maurice was really sweet about it and called it an honor to be the one to shave my head. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. Afterwards, Maurice and I watched the movie "Good Hair." Ironic, huh? The movie actually helped me see the insignificance of hair.
Now, the highs... I have been having a ball hanging out with Mr. Wonderful. It is so cool to be around someone who makes me laugh all of the time. This should be one of the saddest periods of my life, but I am actually happier than I have been in a long time. Mr. Wonderful is a big reason for that. You have to admire any man who dates a chick with breast cancer, a bald head, and a fake breast.
Another high... I have had a chance to spend more time with family. My relatives have been visiting me non-stop. My mother and Aunt Connie are pros at flying to Atlanta now. It is so nice to have so much love. I have heard from relatives that I hadn't heard from in years. There are so many people praying for me. I know that I will be okay.
Yet another high... I fulfilled a bucket list item. My aunt, Marcie invited me and Mr. Wonderful to accompany her to New York to the BET Black Girls Rock Awards Show. Marcie was honored during the show for being the 1st Black female Air Force General. We were up front and center and given the VIP treatment all weekend, all expenses paid. It was so nice to be treated like a celebrity! By the way, the show airs on BET on November 7th.
Another high... I attended Dr. Martin Luther King's sister's (Christine Farris') renewal of vows and reception. She has been married 50 years and wore her original dress. The ceremony was one of the most beautiful that I have attended.
Another high... I have handled chemotherapy well. I have actually gained weight! I now weigh 105 pounds. Yeah! I have no nausea and have kept my appetite. I have had support during and after my chemotherapy sessions. My mother, Aunt Connie, and cousin, Millicent have been nurses for me before, during, and after my sessions. A sweet moment happened after my first chemotherapy session. Mr. Wonderful came over my house and held me and my hand all night. Awww!
Another high... My fertility specialist was able to preserve my eggs at age 40 even after having chemotherapy as a child. It's a miracle! Now, I don't have to worry about finding a husband. :)
Basically, most of my days are highs now. I feel well and think that I look better than I have in years. Thank God that chemotherapy has changed since I had it the first time, 29 years ago. The first time I was bedridden. Now, I am thriving. I am thankful for each day that I have and the people that I spend my days with.
