I Surrender All

I rarely cry these days, but whenever Jennifer Holliday and the choir sing "I Surrender All" at church, my tears flow. I feel as if I am trying to be a Superhero, and that song is my theme song. I am a living testimony that sometimes we can't control what goes on in our lives; yet, we have to look to God and surrender all to Him to get through difficult times. I actually sang that song before the nurses rolled me into the OR both times so far, and I will be singing it tomorrow. I only wish that I could sing it like Jennifer Holliday.

Even though I am about to lose my breast tissue and undergo a lot of pain with the tissue expanders, I am amazingly calm and at peace. It meant a lot to me to have my family worship with me at church today. I had so many wonderful people come up to me and say that they were praying for me. After church service, my pastor, The Rev. Dr. Raphael Warnock, formed a prayer circle around me with my family and a couple of church members. That meant so much to me and my family.

My home pastor, Dr. Theodore Brown, texted me and told me that he would be lifting me up in prayer in service today. My new Mr. Wonderful gave me his personal prayer beads because he felt that I might need them more than he does now. I have gotten calls and text messages all day stating that I am on prayer lists all over the US. So many of my male friends who know that I can be a bit vain have called to reassure me that my beauty is not measured by my breasts and that their opinion of me will not change. Today, I was able to fulfill one of the my lifelong dreams of going to a professional baseball game with my father. My father and I used to watch baseball games on TV together when I was a child.

I am not a religious person, but I do consider myself a spiritual person. Some people have said that God is testing me now. That really bothers me because I don't believe that the God that I know and love would afflict me with cancer. However, I do believe that He is with me through this storm. So many people have told me that they are amazed by my strength and positive attitude. I am the way that I am truly because I surrender all to God.